Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
