I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
