TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
