does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
