$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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