Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
