I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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