Sry I called you an 8
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Randomize
