this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
