sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
