don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
