why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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