i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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