Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
