smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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