i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
