Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You dont lie about slip and slides
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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