Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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