Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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