Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
tell your sister to shave her snatch
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
