I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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