Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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