would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Randomize