GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
