4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize