I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize