would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The struggles of a small town man whore
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
