so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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