am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
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