My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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