can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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