I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
