Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
