someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
