every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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