i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
not ubering you a puppy
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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