She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
