dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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