oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
