And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
