I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
