i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
are you so shy because you have an std?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
