I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
