I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
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