Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize