I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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