Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
