I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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