I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
