There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
