I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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