An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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