hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
