theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
