watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
