I wannas sexs uuuuu
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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