Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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