Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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