So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
