Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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