I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
