Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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