I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Farmville is her only friend.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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