My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
