she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
