I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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