I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We had sex on a dog bed..
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
