i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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