i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
