Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize