OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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