Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
