I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
