I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
