Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
