I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
In America we eat man semen.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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