I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
