Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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