So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
