He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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