At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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