I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
